bumper stickers that crack me up

Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).
WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?)
Just say NO to negativity.
Squirrels - nature's speed bumps.
Dyslexics Untie!
I'm still a hot babe, but now it it comes in flashes.
If God is within, I hope he likes enchiladas!
Don't believe everything you think.
Fishermen don't die, they just smell that way
Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!
The control key on the keyboard does not work.
Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.
Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.
I plan to live forever. So far, so good!
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?
I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
A day without sunshine is like night.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
The more you complain the longer God makes you live.
I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Out of my mind - back in five minutes.
Without ME, it's just AWESO.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Keep honking while I reload.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing.
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!
I doubt, therefore I might be.
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.